15 of the Best George Costanza Quotes

George Costanza, the hilariously neurotic and perpetually unlucky character from Seinfeld, has left an indelible mark on pop culture with his unforgettable one-liners and cringe-worthy antics. From his iconic 'It’s not a lie if you believe it' to his desperate plea to 'Do the opposite,' George’s quotes are a masterclass in comedic timing and relatability. In this blog post, we’re counting down the top 15 George Costanza quotes that perfectly capture his chaotic yet oddly endearing personality. Whether you’re a die-hard Seinfeld fan or just discovering the show, these quotes are guaranteed to make you laugh, cringe, and maybe even rethink your life choices. Let’s dive into the world of George Costanza—where every decision is a disaster, and every line is pure gold.

#1
I do know that I have some kind of a talent.
I do know that I have some kind of a talent, something to offer. I just don't know what it is yet. - Seinfeld, S05E02 The Puffy Shirt
#2
I can't stand kids.
I can't stand kids. Adults think it's so wonderful how honest kids are. I don't need that kind of honesty. I'll take a deceptive adult over an honest kid any day. - Seinfeld, S03E06 The Parking Garage
#3
The camera loves stoutness.
I don't know, I feel fat. No, you're stout! The camera loves stoutness. - Seinfeld, S08E05 The Package
#4
Who buys an umbrella anyway?
Who buys an umbrella anyway? You get them for free at the coffee shop in those metal cans. Those belong to people... - Seinfeld, S08E07 The Checks
#5
I feel when lesbians are looking at me...
I feel when lesbians are looking at me they're thinking: "That's why I'm not heterosexual." - Seinfeld, S03E13 The Subway
#6
My dream is to become hopeless
I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you're hopeless, you don't care. And when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive. - Seinfeld, S03E16 The Fix-Up
#7
Well, I had sex with your wife
Yeah? Well, I had sex with your wife. His wife's in a coma. - George Costanza, Seinfeld, S08E12 The Money
#8
Divorce is very difficult
Divorce is very difficult. Especially on a kid. Of course, I'm the result of my parents having stayed together, so you never know. - Seinfeld, S04E16 The Shoes
#9
I feel like my old self again
I feel like my old self again. Totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic. It's a pleasure. - Seinfeld, S06E15 The Beard
#10
How do you live with yourself?
How do you live with yourself? It's not easy. - Seinfeld, S05E20 The Fire
#11
It's fabulous
And I say this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality. It's fabulous. - Seinfeld, S02E03 The Jacket
#12
You mean you don't like this?
You mean you don't like this? It looks like your belt is digesting a small animal. - Seinfeld, S01E03 The Robbery
#13
Why can't there be some things just for me?
Why can't there be some things just for me? Is that so selfish? Actually, that's the definition of selfish. - Seinfeld, S07E07 The Secret Code
#14
Looks aren't that important to her
She said: "Looks aren't that important to her." I'd rather she hate me and think I was good looking. - Seinfeld, S06E20 The Fusilli Jerry
#15
So, please, a little respect.
So, please, a little respect. For I am Costanza, lord of the idiots. - Seinfeld, S02E05 The Apartment